The Gottman Method

What is the Gottman Method?

The Gottman Method is an evidence-based approach to couples therapy, developed by the respected relationship expert Dr. John Gottman.   It's designed to help couples build deeper, more meaningful connections with each other, by improving communication, understanding, and emotional intimacy.   Grounded in over 40 years of research, the Gottman Method offers couples practical, supportive tools to strengthen their relationships, whether you're facing challenges or simply looking to nurture your bond.

Gottman Therapy suggests that conflicts in relationships generally fall into two categories: those that can be resolved and those that are perpetual.   Perpetual conflicts are ongoing issues arising from fundamental differences in personality or lifestyle preferences.   The therapy focuses on managing these persistent conflicts, as they cannot be entirely resolved. Rather than avoiding or attempting to eliminate them, couples are encouraged to develop strategies to handle them effectively.   Developed by researcher and therapist John Gottman, this approach is based on his comprehensive research into relationships.

How Does the Gottman Method Work?

At the heart of the Gottman Method is the understanding that every relationship requires effort, care, and attention.   This approach focuses on helping couples create a solid foundation of trust, respect, and emotional closeness. It focuses on three core principles:

  1. Building a Sound Relationship Foundation:   The first step is to create a deep sense of friendship and emotional support.   Couples will explore each other’s needs, desires, and dreams, nurturing empathy and understanding.   This helps partners feel valued and connected, creating a loving base from which to grow.

  2. Managing Conflict with Care:  Disagreements are natural in any relationship, but they don’t have to lead to frustration or distance.   The Gottman Method teaches couples how to manage conflict with compassion and patience.   Rather than trying to "fix" every difference, you’ll learn how to approach your challenges together, with mutual respect, while still maintaining emotional closeness.

  3. Creating Shared Meaning and Connection:   Couples are encouraged to discover a sense of shared purpose and meaning within their relationship.   By understanding each other’s values, aspirations, and life goals, you’ll create a stronger bond that’s built on shared dreams and mutual support.

What Can Couples Expect from Participating in the Gottman Method?

When you take part in Gottman Therapy, you can expect a gentle, supportive approach that helps you grow closer as a couple. Here’s what you might experience:

  • Improved Communication:   You'll learn how to communicate in a way that fosters understanding, warmth, and connection.   Active listening, empathetic responses, and clear expression of feelings are key tools that will help you both feel heard and respected.

  • Healthier Conflict Resolution:   Conflicts are a natural part of relationships, but the Gottman Method shows you how to navigate them with kindness and respect.     You’ll learn how to handle disagreements calmly, prevent escalation, and find solutions that work for both of you, while nurturing your emotional closeness.

  • Deeper Emotional Connection:   Through increased understanding and support, couples develop a stronger emotional connection.   This leads to greater trust, affection, and intimacy, helping you both feel loved and valued.

  • Increased Intimacy:   The Gottman Method focuses not just on communication, but on increasing both emotional and physical intimacy.   This can help you rediscover joy, love, and affection in your relationship.

  • A Deeper Understanding of Each Other:   You’ll gain a greater appreciation for each other’s emotional needs and perspectives.   This helps you create a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship, as you both learn how to support one another in meaningful ways.

What to Expect from Gottman Therapy Sessions

Throughout your therapy journey, you’ll work together with a compassionate therapist who is there to guide and support you every step of the way.   Sessions are designed to create a safe space for open, honest conversations, where both partners feel heard and valued.   Your therapist will help you explore patterns in your relationship, identify areas of growth, and introduce you to new tools and strategies that can improve your connection.

While the Gottman Method is a structured, research-based approach, it’s delivered with warmth, understanding, and care.   This isn’t about “quick fixes” – it’s about creating long-lasting, meaningful change in your relationship.   The more actively you engage, the more rewarding the process can be, and couples who commit to the journey often find that their bond grows stronger and more fulfilling over time.

Couples therapy generally includes three broad phases.

Phase 1 - The Assessment Phase

Phase 1 typically spans about 5 hours.   This includes a 1.5-hour conjoint session, separate 1-hour individual consultations for each partner, and a 1-hour feedback and goal-setting session.     After your initial appointment and payment, you and your partner will receive assessment questionnaires to complete.   Although these questionnaires may appear extensive, they are essential for your therapist to grasp your background, relationship history, and primary concerns prompting couples counselling.   Detailed responses are crucial as they facilitate a deeper understanding and expedite the therapy process, equipping your therapist to effectively address core issues.


Phase 2 - The Treatment Phase

Utilising the information gathered from your assessment, your therapist will craft a personalised treatment plan.   This plan will be discussed in the initial session to ensure alignment of goals and a clear understanding of the process.   Subsequently, you will delve into addressing your most pressing concerns.   Your therapist's role is to facilitate constructive dialogue between you and your partner, fostering greater understanding and a closer, more connected relationship.   The treatment will focus on both resolving issues and equipping you with enhanced skills for managing your relationship, empowering you to become masters of your relationship dynamics.

The treatment pace can be tailored to your preferences; however, research and experience indicate that intensive treatment yields better progress.   Typically, we aim to complete all assessment phases within 1-2 weeks.   Following this, depending on your specific needs, appointments may be scheduled for 1.5 hours weekly or fortnightly until you feel confident in consistently managing your relationship effectively.


Phase 3 - The Relapse Prevention Phase

Your therapist will check in via email to see how you are managing.   They will continue to check in for around 6 months to ensure you stay on track and that your relationship continues to get stronger and healthier.    During that time if we identify any issues for additional work, we may recommend a range of options that might include: 

  • a few appointments either in person or via web conferencing;

  • assisting you to find a suitably trained therapist in your local area with whom your therapist can liaise to assist in ongoing treatment;

  • recommending additional resources such as books, videos, podcasts etc; or

  • other support options.